The Meaning of Loss Part 1 (my parents my permanent inner strengths)
When mom died, that was my greatest loss and most challenging experience I ve ever had. Unexpected and sudden.
Not prepared, seemed unreal & unbelievable.
The first few years were hard for us. Everyday, I woke up, I wished, what I had, was just a bad dream. Never had I thought, I would lose my mom so soon. Never would I thought I would be motherless at a very young age. much younger for my sisters..
Everything seemed bleak. It was like being a raft and the water took us down the stream. We were so lost that that we followed the stream, balancing the waves in between the journey and dad was the captain who was just experimenting the journey with us behind us. We had to hold him tight as well.
The profound meaning of losing someone important in our lives, only we can we define. never knew ot could be so painful.
For many years, I went through life as it takes me to many other wonderful journey. Could not remember how many clases and course have I attended to be a better bereaved individuals. I learned a lot of new things about Life. I discover more about myself throgh my understanding of my personal grief and loss. But the thought of her (mom ) or them (both mom & dad) never changed.
Mom, when i found out the day she collapsed at my sister's registration day (University Malays), I thought, she was just tired. She could not handle the heat. She would be ok like before. Truth is, I got used to her being sickly once in a while. She would bounce back. She would be smiling again especially when I showed her her two grand daughters. But not this time, I could see, how the illness affected her too much that the cute little felows had no effect on her anymore. I was there witnessing the signs as she was never like than ever before.
Mom, what appeared outside was her fragile self, never did reflect the powerful strengths in her nurturing all the 7 of us. It was amazing how she could actually deliver her tasks, provide us the warmth and love equally to all of us without anyone feeling left out. She, never had any psychology course, without any developmental theories, she treated us as individuals. She could spelt out clearly everything about each and everyone of us in detailed desriptions. She knew how to approach us and was able to meet the different needs of her children. Today, I wonder, when exactly were the times dad and mom really discussed about us their children. Ayah (Dad) was a man with few words. Mom liked to talk but mostly about her children. Mom never left home unless 'chauffer driven' (dad or us). Both of them were generous parents, never running out of love & passion for their children. Ayah never said No to the children. They were not rich but I guessed, his principle was to spend on the children while they can. With dad's unpredictable income, we were showered with things when the 'season' came. When out of the seasons, mom would be the one, slowly taking out her saving 'somewhere' - as we called it 'duit lipat lipat or selit selit' (money folded and hidden for emergency). I remember how all the small token I give her every month actually came back to me or to my kids. When I started working, my pay was only RM1110 as a teacher. I rented a room in KL and I paid RM500 for my car monthly instalment. Half of my pay was gone. RM100 is the normal token given to them (to my mom, Ayah said). I called her daily using a public phone. She said, that was difficult for her to call me. So she decided to get the house a phone line. never mind, she would pay..Ayah would smile knowing mom, he had no choice but to be the funder. World knows, mom never worked. Once, she got this offer to give weekly religious teachings to the local people in the district as she had the qualifications. She was excited to earn RM500 monthly. Ayah said no. He said, "You would be tired, besides, that wont be sufficient to pay your batek sutera (silk) and Bonia handbag." he said jokingly. Not that every month, she got such treatment.
I just cant imagine life today would be, if she were still around. Mom was a possessive mother. And I love her for that. She was always in control of her children. She had the skills to calm us down, tame her 'wild' children. We were so much different. 7 different creatures: name it, the aggressive one, the pampered one, the egocentric ones, hot tempered, rough & rowdy, quite & reserve, etc. Ayah always knew his way to make everyone happy and contented.
Oh.. how parenting seems easy to them. Well, They were voted "Parents of the Year" in 1987 when I actually entered an essay competition at Doane College. The certificate was given to me at the ceremony. The fact that my parents were miles away, I essay was also chosen. Proud to be their daughter.
I make doa, my children will feel the same way as I felt towards their grandparents. I have made mistakes many times. Sometimes, got frustrated with certain things. Unable to provide the guide to my children. Not sure, my formula is working. Nervous with the outcome. lots of questions. I make doa, my children will someday turn out to be what a mom ever wish their children to be. To be thankful, to have mercy, to love and care for each other, to have the wisdom to lead a meaningful life - able to know right from wrong, to have good companion, etc.
Alhamdullillah, I thank Allah for such great gifts -wonderful set of parents, understanding husband, lovely children, unconditionally loving siblings, and supportive friends.
Thank you for reading my post. I also hope those who read, will make doa for my parents (al-fatihah) as well lessons you learned from my entry, is actually the results of lessons I learned from them.. This is just a small part of it. May Allah forgive my parents and give them the best that they deserve together with others - the chosen ones. Amin.
Not prepared, seemed unreal & unbelievable.
The first few years were hard for us. Everyday, I woke up, I wished, what I had, was just a bad dream. Never had I thought, I would lose my mom so soon. Never would I thought I would be motherless at a very young age. much younger for my sisters..
Everything seemed bleak. It was like being a raft and the water took us down the stream. We were so lost that that we followed the stream, balancing the waves in between the journey and dad was the captain who was just experimenting the journey with us behind us. We had to hold him tight as well.
The profound meaning of losing someone important in our lives, only we can we define. never knew ot could be so painful.
For many years, I went through life as it takes me to many other wonderful journey. Could not remember how many clases and course have I attended to be a better bereaved individuals. I learned a lot of new things about Life. I discover more about myself throgh my understanding of my personal grief and loss. But the thought of her (mom ) or them (both mom & dad) never changed.
Mom, when i found out the day she collapsed at my sister's registration day (University Malays), I thought, she was just tired. She could not handle the heat. She would be ok like before. Truth is, I got used to her being sickly once in a while. She would bounce back. She would be smiling again especially when I showed her her two grand daughters. But not this time, I could see, how the illness affected her too much that the cute little felows had no effect on her anymore. I was there witnessing the signs as she was never like than ever before.
Mom, what appeared outside was her fragile self, never did reflect the powerful strengths in her nurturing all the 7 of us. It was amazing how she could actually deliver her tasks, provide us the warmth and love equally to all of us without anyone feeling left out. She, never had any psychology course, without any developmental theories, she treated us as individuals. She could spelt out clearly everything about each and everyone of us in detailed desriptions. She knew how to approach us and was able to meet the different needs of her children. Today, I wonder, when exactly were the times dad and mom really discussed about us their children. Ayah (Dad) was a man with few words. Mom liked to talk but mostly about her children. Mom never left home unless 'chauffer driven' (dad or us). Both of them were generous parents, never running out of love & passion for their children. Ayah never said No to the children. They were not rich but I guessed, his principle was to spend on the children while they can. With dad's unpredictable income, we were showered with things when the 'season' came. When out of the seasons, mom would be the one, slowly taking out her saving 'somewhere' - as we called it 'duit lipat lipat or selit selit' (money folded and hidden for emergency). I remember how all the small token I give her every month actually came back to me or to my kids. When I started working, my pay was only RM1110 as a teacher. I rented a room in KL and I paid RM500 for my car monthly instalment. Half of my pay was gone. RM100 is the normal token given to them (to my mom, Ayah said). I called her daily using a public phone. She said, that was difficult for her to call me. So she decided to get the house a phone line. never mind, she would pay..Ayah would smile knowing mom, he had no choice but to be the funder. World knows, mom never worked. Once, she got this offer to give weekly religious teachings to the local people in the district as she had the qualifications. She was excited to earn RM500 monthly. Ayah said no. He said, "You would be tired, besides, that wont be sufficient to pay your batek sutera (silk) and Bonia handbag." he said jokingly. Not that every month, she got such treatment.
I just cant imagine life today would be, if she were still around. Mom was a possessive mother. And I love her for that. She was always in control of her children. She had the skills to calm us down, tame her 'wild' children. We were so much different. 7 different creatures: name it, the aggressive one, the pampered one, the egocentric ones, hot tempered, rough & rowdy, quite & reserve, etc. Ayah always knew his way to make everyone happy and contented.
Oh.. how parenting seems easy to them. Well, They were voted "Parents of the Year" in 1987 when I actually entered an essay competition at Doane College. The certificate was given to me at the ceremony. The fact that my parents were miles away, I essay was also chosen. Proud to be their daughter.
I make doa, my children will feel the same way as I felt towards their grandparents. I have made mistakes many times. Sometimes, got frustrated with certain things. Unable to provide the guide to my children. Not sure, my formula is working. Nervous with the outcome. lots of questions. I make doa, my children will someday turn out to be what a mom ever wish their children to be. To be thankful, to have mercy, to love and care for each other, to have the wisdom to lead a meaningful life - able to know right from wrong, to have good companion, etc.
Alhamdullillah, I thank Allah for such great gifts -wonderful set of parents, understanding husband, lovely children, unconditionally loving siblings, and supportive friends.
Thank you for reading my post. I also hope those who read, will make doa for my parents (al-fatihah) as well lessons you learned from my entry, is actually the results of lessons I learned from them.. This is just a small part of it. May Allah forgive my parents and give them the best that they deserve together with others - the chosen ones. Amin.
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